The Tea-Leaf Thief
Summer ’44, Leeds.
Under cover of darkness, amidst lofty tomes, fire-watching women gather to guard. They dress not as ladies, donning boots, breeches and braces, bosoms front – centre of attention. By the light of a solitary candle, a steaming pot of tea, Mrs. Wright, Agnes, and Doris settle in for their nightly duty.
Book group is in session, shock, a death has occurred on the Nile. Miss Christie their constant companion, Monsieur Poirot their detective of choice. Mrs. Wright gets quite miffed at Agnes when she tries to do his voice. But no death has occurred, no, a more heinous crime indeed – the most precious leaves of tea, depleted by a great degree. What would Monsieur Poirot charge, a tea leaf thief is at large!
Agnes and Doris immediately sleuth, suspicious of all but their number one is Mrs. Wright, (what a coup) you see, Aggy was usurped. She started book group, but Mrs. Wright sashayed in, popped her biccies in the tin and sat at the head of the table. They watch her like hawks, her every move, does she empty the teapot, have an extra brew?
The women gather as a storm rages outside. Miss Christie unleashes a Hound of Death and book group begins in earnest. A clue appears, forsooth, a cup and saucer left empty in the new room. Doris gazes at the soggy leaves, moans psychically then pronounces, ‘this tea was drunk by a man who likes dogs, I get nothing more’ then collapses
Book group is in session; Gloria is here. She blathers, she swoons, she’s marrying soon, hitching to Joseph the pacifist. Mrs. Wright brings order, ladies, to the issue at hand. The tea leaf thief is still at large, so what my dears is planned? Miss Christie gives them a Dumb Witness and Doris has in her hand a Ouija board for communing with the dead. Is she in LaLa Land?
The board is out and the women trepidatiously acquiesce to spirits’ request. Four index fingers, gingerly placed atop the waiting pointer. The question on everyone’s lips – who is the tea leaf thief? Mrs. Wright asks and spirit responds. The pointer begins to move. The women are aghast and ask once again. The tea leaf thief has been unmasked.
The women gather before nightfall; this tea leaf thief must be stopped. Gloria’s Joseph is the muscle, though his pacifist heart wants no part of unnecessary force. Their plan is hatched, Mrs. Wright leads the way, this tea leaf thievery ends today. The group arrives at the wooden door; the tea leaf thief here resides. She knocks, it opens and there he stands, steaming cup and saucer in hand.
So sorry to bother you Mr. Beckwith Sir, but it’s come to our attention, our tea leaves deplete each day at a rate that belies our actual consumption. It pleases me not, but it’s our belief that you sir are the Tea Leaf Thief!
By Joanne LeGrove
